I met my ex wife when I was 19 and she was 22. We fought constantly over everything. We almost split up too many times to count and it looked like our dating relationship was over, until she turned up pregnant with our daughter. My ex wife went off the pill and told no one. This was the first of her many manipulative acts. She knew that I wouldn’t leave if she was pregnant and she was right. I was raised in a Christian home where you do not live with a person if you are not married to them, so I did the “right” thing and got married. Even though we had a child, the fighting never stopped. We saw many marriage counselors, as I wanted to make things work. I found out that a lot of my ex wife’s issues stemmed from her childhood and past relationships. She told me that her ex boyfriend used to beat her and told me even more importantly that her uncle had raped and molested her and her sister for years when they were children. My ex wife’s parents met while her mom was a nurse and her dad was admitted for a drug overdose. They married and later divorced. According to my ex wife, her and her sister had to go live with their grandmother. After the divorce, their mother worked really crazy hours at the hospital and wasn’t around to care for them. It was while living at the grandma’s house that the molestation of both my ex wife and her sister took place. To make things worse, this uncle, years later, married my ex wife’s best friend.
I was now almost 22 and my ex wife and I were still fighting. We simply didn’t get along and she was lazy. I was working 4 jobs and she refused to work outside of the house and also refused to do any work around the home. She was a stay at home mom who did not cook, clean or do anything but watch Talk Soup on E!
From the time when we married until I was almost 23, my ex wife had literally packed up and moved out of the house and took my daughter 3 times. The first time and the fourth time that she left, I will NEVER forget. The first time she left, I was working and my ex was supposed to be at home getting the clubhouse ready for my graduation party. About halfway through the day, my mother-in-law drove up to my work with her car packed and my ex wife stepped out to inform me that she had moved out, BUT she would be back later for the party. WHAT? Are you kidding me? She was to be decorating to celebrate my graduation from school, but instead she had to leave to make a statement. I was crushed. I left work and I had to go home and quickly decorate for my own party. My ex wife did show up with our daughter and acted like NOTHING happened. Most people at the party didn’t even know she had moved out. For me, it wasn’t much of a party as I felt that I had lost my family. To make things worse, when the party was over, my ex started bossing the guests around and having them help clean up. She didn’t lift a finger though to clean up. I left my own graduation party and went home and cried myself to sleep. For the next few days I was depressed, confused and angry. It was tough to go to work and I ate nothing. I pleaded with her and begged her to come home and about a week later she returned.
Things did not improve once she returned home and we continued to argue. The relationship reached a place where child or not, it seemed over. I was fed up and I was ready to move out and file for divorce and then it happened. I was late getting ready for work and needed to get into the bathroom to take a shower, but the door was locked. I kept banging and banging and I finally picked the lock. To my surprise, when I opened the door, there was my ex wife sitting on the floor poking holes in condoms. It turns out that she had been doing this for a while, but it was too late. We found out later that week that she was already 3 weeks pregnant.
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In the words of Lawton Chiles, “I didn’t come to stay, I came to make a difference.”
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