Child support. Today I want to share my ideas thoughts and concerns about child support. I have been on both sides of this situation and so I believe I can speak honestly about this issue. I have paid child support and now I get child support for my children. Today we will discuss the parent who gets the support:
I had a party in mediation that lost it when the child support was calculated and determined based on the overnight visitations and combined incomes. Over and over and over I heard, “What about me and my bills? Am I supposed to starve? Screw this? This is B.S.? Why should I be left with nothing? What if I don’t pay?
Now before we get into gender stereotypes here, let me say this. For the most part, the primary parents appear to be mothers and the parent paying child support is the father. Times are changing and for the better and like with me, I now get support and the mother pays. In my example here, the mother has the children and the father pays.
The mother has had the children for 3 years with no support and has had the children every single day. The father has not showed up for one visitation, one birthday, one Christmas or anything for 1095 days and counting. The mother had done it all, every day all year. This mother was in awe and began to cry as she explained how difficult it has been. She couldn’t make it alone and had to move back to her parents home and live in her parent’s basement. On the flip side the father kept stating over and over, “You don’t need the support, you don’t have any bills. You live with your parents and everything’s paid for.” The mother again began to cry as she said she didn’t want to live at her parents. She wanted to be on her own and provide a home for her children and not have to rely on her parents, but without any help she was unable to.
I am sure that there are many of you out there that can relate to this situation and you are not alone. It is not easy. It takes a lot to raise children daily, not to mention you are the one dealing with scrapes, bruises, broken hearts and tears. You have to take care of a sick kid that can’t sleep at night and so you get no sleep and then have to go work all day. After working all day you have to come home and cook dinner, help the kids with homework or play with them and get them ready for bed only to start it all over again tomorrow. I get it because I too am living it and the support is great, but no where close to really supplementing.
I really wish everyone had a chance to be the primary care giver and experience what the other side truly goes through. I never knew until I was placed in the situation. I got away easy paying child support and showing up to see my kids one night a week and every other weekend. I took extra jobs, made more money, dated and went on trips when I wanted. It wasn’t until I made the decision that I wanted to be the primary parent that I truly found out what all was involved. It turned MY life upside down. I don’t have MY life with my kids, but we have our lives. It is not easy, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world!
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