Child support. Today I want to share my ideas thoughts and concerns about child support. I have been on both sides of this situation and so I believe I can speak honestly about this issue. I have paid child support and now I get child support for my children. Today we will discuss the parent who pays the support:
I had a party in mediation that lost it when the child support was calculated and determined based on the overnight visitations and combined incomes. Over and over and over I heard, “What about me and my bills? Am I supposed to starve? Screw this? This is B.S.? Why should I be left with nothing? What if I don’t pay? For those of you that pay child support. Sit down, shut up and pay the money. It’s really that simple. Now I know I might be stepping on some toes, but so be it. If you are not paying your child support, then shame on you. As an adult, you chose to sleep with the other person, have sex and it resulted in a child. It takes 2 to make a child and since it happened, now both parties must be responsible for the care and maintenance of the child. Sure it cuts into your own living expenses, but you now must pay to support this child you helped conceive and yes it costs money to have kids. As the payor and the parent exercising “visitation”, you still have more time than the other parent to go back to school, take extra classes to get that promotion at your current job, take an extra job, date, and come and go as you please (for the most part). You still have your life and can do what you want most of the time.
The court ordered child support is NEVER enough to actually supplement what it costs to raise a child on a daily basis. What would happen if you became the primary parent and had the child 60% of the time? Could you get the child to and from school daily with your current work schedule? How about the cost of day care or after care? Would you be able to afford it based on the money your would get in support plus some of your own? How about food? Kids eat a lot and as they get older, they eat even more? How about the clothes, shoes, school supplies, movies with friends, toys and games the child wants? How about your gas expense to drive the child to and from school and activities? AND WHAT IF THE OTHER PARENT DIDN’T GIVE YOU ANY SUPPORT? Could you do it? Would you scream and demand the support? What would your dating life look at when you had the children every single week day but one and every other weekend? It’s a lot and the money that is paid is necessary, but it is never enough. Get past yourself and think of the child that you helped conceive and bring into this world. Yes, it is financially tough on both of you, but it is more difficult on the parent who was the child more often.
Tomorrow, I’ll talk about what the other side looks like for the parent who the child lives with the majority of the time.
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