Abuse

Today I want to talk about abuse. Abuse can come in many different forms. Abuse can be verbal. It can be physical and even emotional and psychological. 

When I conduct mediation, I want both parties to feel free in their mind, body and soul to make the best decisions regarding their own personal lives with no interference or influence from the other party. I have conducted mediations where one party stares down the other party so hard that everyone in the room could feel the tension with just a stare. The anger that came from one party to the other was incredible. After about 30 seconds the one party said, “You cannot intimidate me so knock off the cold stare”. 

I have also had a husband who used sarcasm to intimidate his wife. He spouted off sarcastic phrases with an angry tone which caused his wife to request separate rooms to finish mediation because she felt like she could not get a word in edge wise and could not let me know what she wanted.

I had a woman who requested shuttle mediation because she was afraid of her boyfriend. For those of you who do not know, shuttle mediation is where the parties are in different rooms and the mediator goes back and forth between the rooms as he or she conducts the mediation. This is done either for safety reasons or because of intimidation. As the mediation continued, the woman finally said she was fine if the boyfriend came in the room. I asked over and over if she was sure and she said yes over and over. I brought the parties together, but had a sheriff’s officer outside the room, just in case. As we began to talk, all true colors were exposed. The woman was in fact the abuser and became very sarcastic and belligerent as she yelled and threw her hands in the air. The husband never yelled and never raised his voice. In the end, both parties settled down and were able to come to an agreement but only after they were allowed to express their anger and frustration in a controlled environment.

If the parties can express their feelings in a safe and controlled environment, then I am all for that as long as both parties are able to make good sound decisions without fear or intimidation. Many times, people end up in a feud due to miscommunication and lack of being able to express their point of view and feelings. It’s a good day when the parties can feel safe and express their feelings and end up with an agreement concerning their own lives without abusing one another.

iChat Mediation invites you to come and learn more about having either your divorce conducted by one of our State Supreme Court Certified mediators or how you can become part of the most cutting edge virtual companies in the world. To learn more visit us online at http://www.ichatmediation.com or call us at 877-822-1479.

In the words of Lawton Chiles, “I didn’t come to stay, I came to make a difference.”