Wednesday, September 21, 2011
So I sit in mediation day in and day out and listen to people discuss broken dreams, distorted truths, and promises that were never kept. They all seem to be upset that someone lied to them about issues such as the car payment, providing a home, taking care of the kids, getting a job, paying back loans, paying off debts and even being faithful. People seem to get so wrapped up in the these issues and complain that this promise was broken or that promise was broken, but they fail to go back to the beginning and the root promise that was not kept.....I choose to love you and be with you until death do us part! Yep! If this promise was kept, then the rest may not be issues. If they have broken the promise about forsaking all others or loving and sticking by the other person through good times and bad times until the end of time, then of course they will break the rest of them as they are all based on this one promise.
Sad but true, I now have to be the realist in the room and be the one to point this out. I have to show them that promises were broken and now they must simply move on, but it is always not so simple. Emotions are in the way of logic and reason. Feelings of guilt, shame, frustration, failure, disgust, hate, fear, betrayal and more many times get in the way of simply moving on.
If you are experiencing a dissolution of marriage, then my job as a mediator is to help you navigate through these emotions so that logic and reason can appear to help create a legal agreement regarding the children, money, debt and belongings. I believe that time will heal some wounds, but not all so therapy may be a good place to start as you can never learn enough about who you are and what makes you tick. If you do not invest in you after a divorce, then you will take the same you with all your emotions and baggage and carry it into the next relationship. This can be a recipe for yet another failure. Just remember, no one will ever take better care of you than you so until death do you part, put you first, love yourself, value yourself and fix yourself. When you are complete and you don’t NEED someone else to complete you, now you will be ready for a healthy relationship!!!
iChat Mediation invites you to come and learn more about having either your divorce conducted by one of our State Supreme Court Certified mediators or how you can become part of the most cutting edge virtual companies in the world. To learn more visit us online at http://www.ichatmediation.com or call us at 877-822-1479.
In the words of Lawton Chiles, “I didn’t come to stay, I came to make a difference.”