Legal proceedings can seem scary and to go through a hearing, deposition or mediation alone can lead to higher than normal anxiety and stress. Sure, having friends and family just riding in the car to the proceeding can be calming and comforting. It's nice to bounce some ideas off of them and to get an outside perspective. Once the proceeding is over, it's nice to have a supportive shoulder to cry on or an ear that is willing to listen. This all sounds well and good, but DO NOT BRING ANYONE TO YOUR LEGAL PROCEEDING. Why might you ask?
I had a mediation where the wife came with her mother and the husband showed up alone. The wife, the husband and both attorneys came into the room for mediation. The mother of the wife was not allowed to come into the room at anytime without the permission of the husband and he expressly said no. This particular case had been going on for 2 years. The parties had attempted mediation in the courthouse and it was a disaster as most courthouse mediations are, but that is a whole other story. Neither party wished to come to mediation after having such a disaster and horrible experience, but the wife's attorney assured her that mediation with me would be different and it was.
Over the course of 3 hours, the five of us carefully and methodically crafted a customized parenting plan and MSA for the parties and their 2 children. Both sides compromised on certain issues and there was give and take on both sides of the table. When it came time for the child support, the wife didn't like the new laws and support numbers. She demanded more than what she was legally entitled to receive. The husband agreed to pay the wife almost $200 more than what he was legally obligated to pay and the wife agreed. I began to finish writing the agreement and the wife asked to be excused to go to the restroom. Everyone was relieved until the wife came back into the room. Apparently the wife stopped and spoke to her mother who was in the waiting area and she explained what she had just agreed to. The mother was livid and in her own ignorance told the wife not to agree to anything and to go to court. This mother was not privy to ANY of the conversations, negotiations or explanations of the laws as she was not present in the mediation. When the wife returned to the room, she said she refused her own settlement deal and demanded to go to court to get even more money since the mother told her she needs to get more. The wife wasn't even entitled under the law to get what the husband had just agreed to pay, which was $200 above and beyond what his court ordered support should be. The wife's mother just unravelled 3 hours of negotiations and now the parties will go to court. The husband and his attorney said that the generous overpayment of support was now off the table.
So the question is this. Who will lose due to the mother's influence over her daughter? Certainly not the husband or the mother. It will be the wife and even more so the kids who will suffer due to the ignorant influence of an angry and bitter ex-mother-in-law. I wonder if this grandmother will look back and regret what she just did to her daughter and her grandkids? What a shame!
In the end though, I did my job. I facilitated the conversation between the parties, I took them through the necessary paperwork and I empowered them to make their own decision. Good or bad, it was their decision, not mine and that is what mediation is all about.
iChat Mediation invites you to come and learn more about having either your divorce conducted by one of our State Supreme Court Certified mediators or how you can become part of the most cutting edge virtual companies in the world. To learn more visit us online at http://www.ichatmediation.com or call us at 877-822-1479.
In the words of Lawton Chiles, “I didn’t come to stay, I came to make a difference.”
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