A man, named Jose comes to me and says he needs some advice about his marriage. To give a little background first, this is Jose and Margarita's 2nd marriage. They live in Tijuana and Jose works in San Diego. He crosses the border everyday for work and Margarita stays in Mexico.
Jose starts up a conversation about my iPhone and begins to tell me his story. Jose proceeds to tell me that he had an iPhone but it was lost. Jose tells me that he had a smartphone previously, but it was stolen. His wife knew about that phone and knew it was stolen but what she didn't know is that Jose spent $600 and bought an unlocked iPhone as a replacement phone with a "NEW" number. Jose is worried that if someone finds his iPhone, they might go into the address book and might call his wife and say they found Jose's phone. Jose says this could be troublesome as she doesn't know about the iPhone or new number.
Here's where it gets interesting. Jose says that he is a good husband. He has never cheated on his wife, but he hasn't been completely honest about the finances. He says that lately his wife has been asking him where their money is and he makes excuses since he has been buying things for himself on this side of the border. Jose says that lately she is driving him crazy as she is now accusing him of having an affair and spending money on a girlfriend. He says he doesn't know what to do and asks for my help.
I looked at Jose and told him that it's actually quite simple. Honesty and full disclosure is the best policy. I told Jose that the cover-up is ALWAYS worse than the crime and he needs to tell Margarita what's going on. Jose could tell his wife that he's NOT having an affair or not doing other things, but she doesn't want to know what he ISN'T doing but rather what he IS doing. "Don't keep telling her you are not having an affair," I said. "Tell her what you are doing with the money. Tell her you bought an iPhone and other 'toys' for yourself". Jose looked at me and said, "My wife is simply being paranoid". I told Jose that he is the one giving her reason to act paranoid by withholding the truth and not being honest. Finally, I told Jose, "Tell Margarita what's going on and then maintain that full disclosure policy from here on out."
Jose smiled and said, "I know what I can do. I'll tell her I bought the iPhone from a friend for $100 and paid it in 2 equal payments of $50. It was a birthday gift for myself since my birthday was two weeks ago. That should explain some of the money."
Jose left and I stood there in awe. Half-truths are the same as lies. Now Jose is going to dig his hole of lies and deception deeper rather than throwing the shovel down, asking his wife for forgiveness and climbing out of the hole.
I have a feeling that if Jose doesn't come clean and be honest in this marriage, then it's not going to work. I have learned in my own life that if I feel like I am going to have to lie about what I am doing, where I am going or what I am buying, then I probably shouldn't be doing, going or buying. Tell the truth. How the other person handles the truth is not your problem. Simply be honest and remember the Golden Rule: Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You. If you want others to be honest with you, you have to be honest with others.
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