A Shift In "Custody"

So here is a scenario and here is some insight and human advice. 

Parents, please keep in mind that in a divorce or paternity action, you are there because of choices that as adults you both made collectively. Your children had no say in the matter. They did not get to pick you. They did not get a say in the divorce or separation. Speaking from experience, I know it is hard, but GET OVER YOURSELF! Your divorce or paternity action is not about you. Think first about your children and how it will affect every aspect of the life they had no choice in. 

Florida no longer assigns "primary" and "secondary" labels to the parents and we create a "parenting plan" instead of a "custody agreement". For clarity reasons though I am going to use these terms to get my point across.

Let's say that mom is primary which means that the children will live the majority of the time with her and dad will get to visit their children. The kids are in school and have friends and love where they live. Dad gets remarried and moves out of state. Dad still visits, but not that often. This arrangement goes on for 3 years and then mom gets really sick and so mom and the kids move in with grandma and grandpa. Sadly, mom dies. Dad doesn't come to get the kids and so grandma and grandpa assume custody and raise the kids. One year goes by and then dad decides he wants custody of his kids. Dad wants his kids to come live with him and his new family in a different state. What ensues is a court battle between dad and the grandparents. Dad is awarded primary custody in court and is left with a choice. Does dad put himself first or his children? Dad could pull the kids out of school and relocate them immediately or let the kids finish out their school year and transition their lives over the summer break. 

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! Moms and Dads out there. Do the right thing and get over yourself. Transition your children into their new environment. Respect your children and they will respect you. Disrespect your children and they will resent you. Divorce and paternity actions are not easy on adults, but are even harder on children. The old adage applies here….."Slow and easy will win the race". 

I've seen this happen and don't wish to see it again. If Dad does not slowly transition his own children into their new environment, then he might have won in a court of law, but he will lose in life.

iChat Mediation invites you to come and learn more about having either your divorce conducted by one of our State Supreme Court Certified mediators or how you can become part of the most cutting edge virtual companies in the world. To learn more visit us online at http://www.ichatmediation.com or call us at 877-822-1479.

In the words of Lawton Chiles, “I didn’t come to stay, I came to make a difference.”