CULTURE IN MEDIATION

One thing that I have noticed in mediation is how much culture plays into conflict resolution. I believe conflict is a good and necessary part of life. To have your morning coffee, you must create conflict (heat and water). To get to work, you must create conflict (the friction of a car engine and the tires gripping the road). Both of these are examples of conflict that creates positive results.

I further believe that conflict between individuals is good if handled appropriately. When I was married, If I never had a discussion with my wife about her feelings, I would never have known how she truly felt. Now, our discussions turned to arguments and then they turned into disputes that then turned into ongoing conflicts. I had 2 choices, MANAGE the conflict or RESOLVE the conflict. For almost 9 years I managed the conflict. It was a delicate game of balance as I managed the conflict as I was an employee, a student, a father, a husband, and a friend. All the while, I was also trying to find out who I was as an individual. I managed the conflict and managed it right into marriage counseling for almost 4 years. It wasn’t until I sat in mediation after my divorce that I learned the difference between MANAGING my conflict and then learning how to RESOLVE my conflict. 

Now, with that said, not all cultures view conflict the same. Some cultures embrace conflict as conflict can be seen to spur growth. Some cultures, though, shy away from conflict because conflict or disagreements can result in torture or even death. 

As I mediate people from different cultures, and I mediate a good number of cases where a translator must be brought in because I do not know the language, I must be aware that not everyone shares my positive view of conflict.

Here’s a quick example: A couple comes into mediation with a translator. Neither speak a lick of English and so naturally the sessions goes much longer than usual as everything has to be translated back and forth. The culture from which this couple comes holds the family unit in high regards. Divorce is rare, but it does happen. The parties are very civil and both parties share exactly what they want. The man tells me exactly what he wants and the woman does not cower as she tells me exactly what she is looking for as well. Both parties have a strong voice as they express their desires in mediation. In the end, both parties give and take and many compromises are made as their goal is truly to reach what is in the best interest of their 5 children. The parties even laugh at times in the mediation and at one point it puzzles me why a divorce is even happening between what appears to be a happy couple. Today was a good mediation, but they certainly are not all happy easy days. Other cultures will fight to the death as you will hear about one tomorrow.

iChat Mediation invites you to come and learn more about having either your divorce conducted by one of our State Supreme Court Certified mediators or how you can become part of the most cutting edge virtual companies in the world. To learn more visit us online at http://www.ichatmediation.com or call us at 877-822-1479.

In the words of Lawton Chiles, “I didn’t come to stay, I came to make a difference.”