Responsibility

Dear Mediators, 

I am writing you tonight because of the love that I have for each and every one of the couples that I have had the privilege to mediate and YES, it is a privilege. I have been in the industry for a number of years and mediated in the courthouse, in law firms and in my own office with pro se clients as well as attorneys. I have seen other mediators and I do not believe that most of us understand the responsibility that each and every one of you have been handed. Mediation is not just another job. Mediating should not be just another day at the office. Mediating should not be what you do but rather who you are. You are a professional peacemaker and your job is to bring peace where conflict thrives. 

I have lived through a divorce and through a bankruptcy and I will tell you that the two lowest points in a man’s life is bankruptcy and divorce. Feeling like a failure financially and in a relationship are devastating to a man and his self worth. Divorce is a dark day in a couple’s life. Divorce is the ultimate rejection. At one time someone said, “I choose you above everyone else in life” and now they say, “ I can’t stand you and never want to hear another word out of your mouth ever again. GO AWAY!” When mediating this, you may be the only light this couple experiences in their darkest hour. You may be the only glimpse of hope to a couple that has lost all hope. Giving up and impassing a mediation should be the utmost last resort AFTER you have tried everything in your power, exhausted every single idea and explored all possible options and even after that you should try for at least a partial agreement. 

As a mediator your job is three fold: (1) Facilitate a conversation between the parties. This means that you will be the conduit for communication. The parties will fight and it is your job to still move the communication forward and help the parties not only hear what the only person has to say, but LISTEN to what is being said. (2) Take the parties through legal paperwork. Yes, you are to complete the parenting plan and MSA in mediation with all the parties present. When an agreement, either partial or full, is completed the parties should walk out with a signed copy. (3) Empower the parties to have a voice and to be heard as well as empower the parties to make a decision. Good or bad, it is the party’s decision. Many times, the reason why conflict exists is because one party does not feel like he or she has a voice and they simply want to be heard. Your job is to make sure that if a party has something to say, he or she gets to say it. 

In the end, I believe that if you do not LOVE mediating and if your passion is not to bring peace to broken families, if this is just a way of making money and pulling a paycheck, then you need to stop and find something else to do. Lives hang in the balance and people have placed their lives in your hands. A child’s future and a mom or dad’s ability to be a parent it is NOTHING to play around with.

iChat Mediation invites you to come and learn more about having either your divorce conducted by one of our State Supreme Court Certified mediators or how you can become part of the most cutting edge virtual companies in the world. To learn more visit us online at http://www.ichatmediation.com or call us at 877-822-1479.

In the words of Lawton Chiles, “I didn’t come to stay, I came to make a difference.”