We all come from different places in life. We can come from different countries, cultures, morals, value systems and different world views. What I believe and know might be different than what you may believe and know.
In mediation, the one single thing that cannot be mediated is one's belief system. My job is NOT to change one's belief system or convince them that they may be wrong. My job is to attempt to educate an individual, point out the pros and cons to their argument and the case and then to simply point an individual in the direction to go find the truth on their own if they still won't compromise and mediate the issue.
Let me give an example to clarify what I mean. Under Florida law, if a couple has children together then when they split up, child support MUST be paid. Child support is calculated based on each party's income and the time sharing schedule. Let's say that there are 2 children and they are going to live with the mother. Mom is working part time and makes less than minimum wage so her income is imputed at $1257/month. Dad works and makes $5,000/month. The parenting plan states that dad will have his children in accordance to the model parental time sharing schedule of parents living less than 45 miles apart. Child support is calculated and is owed from dad to mom. Dad though believes that he does not owe child support to the kids since his social security benefits go to the children and thus he believes that the payment constitutes child support. Dad says he is not paying extra.
I could go round and round with the dad arguing the law and trying to show the dad that he is wrong. I won't do that. I will point out that the dad is wrong. I will try to understand where the dad is coming from in his thinking and try to understand the dad's point of view. I will not argue with the dad as this will only alienate the dad and this will do no good. Rather, I will point the dad in the direction to go educate himself on the law (Chapter 61 of the Florida Statute) and let the dad realize that his own belief system is wrong and allow him to change his own belief system. Only if the dad changes his own belief system on his own will he then willingly obey the law.
The above mention scenario is a difficult scenario to be caught in as a mediator. As a mediator I am trained to know the laws surrounding divorce contained in Chapter 61 of the Florida Statutes. I try to bring parties together and try to have the parties find a compromising middle ground in order to create a parenting plan and settlement agreement. I would like for the dad in the above mentioned scenario to follow the law and agree to the child support. I know he is wrong, but he believes he is right and there is no telling him otherwise. I know that if the dad doesn't agree in mediation and chooses to go to court and let the judge decide, then he will lose and lose in a very bad way. I have to remember that the mediation belongs to the parties. It's their life, their agreement and their choice. I am there to simply facilitate a conversation and take the parties through the necessary paperwork with a goal of empowering the parties to decide for themselves.
So what is my recommendation? BEFORE you come to mediation with or without an attorney please read Chapter 61 and educate yourself. The laws, the lawyers and the judges all refer to the same place to figure out what to do with family issues………..Chapter 61.
iChat Mediation invites you to come and learn more about having either your divorce conducted by one of our State Supreme Court Certified mediators or how you can become part of the most cutting edge virtual companies in the world. To learn more visit us online at http://www.ichatmediation.com or call us at 877-822-1479.
In the words of Lawton Chiles, “I didn’t come to stay, I came to make a difference.”
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